PERSEVERANCE
PERSEVERANCE
Allie Mason, a sophomore at Buena Vista University (BVU), may seem like your typical college student. She’s a cheerleader, a residence advisor, and a very active young woman who always has a smile on her face. But behind that smile, Allie has gone through an experience that many of us would deem unimaginable. Allie’s younger brother, Conner, was diagnosed with stage four brain cancer.
Allie shares her brother’s story about how they treated his illness and how she emotionally dealt with the realization that her brother and best friend was suffering from this terminal illness. Although Conner was only given six months to live, he fought through and defeated this illness. For a moment in time, the skies were looking clearer for Allie and the Mason family.
The story of coping with loss in college
Meet Allie
Losing the Battle
A year and a half went by before some all too familiar devastating news had struck Allie once again. Conner had relapsed. Although Allie was more aware of what was going to happen this time around, she knew that this time it was more serious.
On December 1, 2013, Conner Mason passed away after a long, hard, fought battle with stage four brain cancer. Allie describes her initial thoughts and reactions when she had gotten this life-changing news. She also discusses the decision to come back to school while dealing with the grief of losing her baby brother.
Faith is an important aspect to dealing with grief, according to Chaplin and Director of Spiritual Life Ken Meissner. A faith community acts as a support system, which allows you to focus on hope, and it also played a big part in Allie’s grieving methods.
“When you have faith that there is hope beyond death, that there is this spiritual connection beyond life, there’s a hope there,” Meissner said.
People often say that time heals all wounds, but for Allie this isn’t the case. Allie talks about how the hard part comes after all of the hype is gone, and you start to get back to your everyday life. The grieving process is not the same for everyone. Allie says that her emotions are often all over the place. One day she is at peace with this loss, while others she is angry and doesn’t understand why. Allie leaned on friends and turned to Boothby for guidance.
Although times are still hard for Allie and she misses her brother very much, she wants people who are going through similar situations to know that grief is normal and it’s okay to cry. Everyone has a story. Allie Mason has one that seems so surreal for a lot of people, but she has proven her strength, stayed positive, and kept her faith through it all.
Support Systems
You're not alone
To deal with grief, Boothby and Meissner suggest opening up to people, talking to people, and not isolating yourself. They say it’s important to develop a support system in order to tell your story because it is also a key component in dealing with grief. Being able to tell your story allows you to grieve, cry, and share emotions to realize you’re not alone in this process.
“Keep trying to go out and do things. Make sure you’re eating, make sure you’re exercising, make sure you’re doing your homework. And when things aren’t working, make sure you reach out for help,” Boothby said.
Whatever you’re dealing with, know that you’re not alone. We all go through major transitions in our lives, and we have to be prepared for what’s to come.
“Learn how to process it emotionally, physically, and spiritually and realize you need a support. You’re not to be alone during that time and to reach out to others and ask those questions that you’re struggling with deep in your heart,” Meissner said.
Allie opened up to her friends in order to tell her story. Her friends acted as her support system through the process. Sophomore Manda Clark was one of the friends that served as part of her support system.
BVU offers many different resources to help people who are dealing with grief. Director of Counseling Services Mandy Boothby and Ken Meissner are just two people who are willing to provide someone to talk to when things get rough.
Boothby believes everyone has a different grief path and not everyone follows it the same or has the same emotions.
“The different stages are denial, anger, sadness,” Boothby said, “I call it the would’ve, could’ve, should’ves of what they should have done or what they think they could’ve done to prevent it. Students can have two or three of those at a time or start with one and go through the path and then go backwards. Grief just doesn’t have a good blueprint.”
Meissner believes that grief will hit someone at the least opportune moment, whether it’s during finals, when you’re alone, or when you’re going through other tough issues at the moment. It’s important to be prepared for that in order to get through it.
“If you’re not dealing with it, processing it, it’s going to come up at the least opportune time and you’re going to crash,” Meissner said.
Boothby and Meissner believe that it’s important to give yourself a break if you are going through grief. It’s also important to note that it won’t get better in just a few weeks and people surrounding you will be dealing with grief differently. The hardest time is the first year without the lost one.
“Know that the first year after death is a very difficult year because you have a whole year of firsts. First Christmas without them, first birthday without them, first summer without them, and so forth,” Boothby said.
Dealing with Grief
Information Graphic
scroll below for information
National Problem
For college students living with grief following the loss of a parent, family member, or friend can be challenging. The college environment is particularly unsuited to be responsive to the bereaved student because of the demand for a student to continue to focus on his or her academic achievement.
Often for students the sense of unreality that is a common form of acute grief is heightened by returning to college life. It becomes easier for students to avoid the painful feelings that grief invokes, while they try not to break down or show sadness. Most often student peers are unprepared to deal with death themselves and cannot support the bereaved student.
The grieving student can suffer from loss of concentration and motivation. Academic work is a college student's job in life. The inability to do that job can be painful and confusing to students who do not recognize that grief is affecting them. They fear they are "going crazy". Here are some suggestions for students:
BE EASY ON YOURSELF
Grieving affects people physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. Learn about how grief affects you. Know your own limits and take time for your grief during your studies. Find ways to allow yourself time to be with your loss and seek support from those who will understand.
CONSIDER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH OTHERS
For college student, sharing with peers about their loss can be alienating. Some friends can offer more support than others, especially if they have lost someone themselves. Others may be good friends to "hang out with" and just relax. Each kind of friend is important. You may need to share with friends some of what you are going through so they can understand how you are acting. If you have intense feelings, it could be helpful to find support through counseling or support group as a way to express yourself more freely.
ALCOHOL AND DRUGS
If you find yourself turning to recreational drugs to numb your feelings, look for help.
PROFESSORS
You may find that professors are unsure about how to interact with you when you share with them you have had a death of someone close to you. Death brings up feelings that are uncomfortable for many people. Keep your professors informed of how you may need to adjust your studies. Some students need the structure of classes to help them following a death. Others may need to drop their units to a minimum load to decrease the academic pressure. Still others may decide to take a semester out of school due to the disruption in their lives and the inability to concentrate on school work. There is no "right" or "wrong" choice. We all grieve differently.
UTILIZE CAMPUS RESOURCES
Most college campuses offer confidential short-term counseling services that can support you through your grief process. Seek out your professional Student Affairs staff for help and support at your own college.
University Health Services | University of California, Berkeley
Getting Help
About the Project
“Perseverance” is a story featuring sophomore Allie Mason who recently lost her brother to cancer. Through her ability to tell her story and with other resources, our goal is to offer college-aged students an understanding about the process of grieving and coping. To tell our story, we used a variety of mediums including video, audio, writing, graphics, and photos.
Team members include Aaron Burns, Graphic Design and Digital Media double major; Cassie Forsyth, Graphic Design and Digital Media double major; Jordan Henningsen, Corporate Communications major; Kamsa Thephavong, Digital Media major; and Griffin Truslow, Corporate Communications major.
About 39 percent of students nationwide reported having experienced the death of a friend or family member, according to a 2010 study by Brooklyn College of City University of New York and Oral Roberts University researchers.
Ken Meissner
Chaplin and Director of Spiritual Life
Mandy Boothby
Director of Counseling Services